Ascension Insights --

 Showdown at the 'This is not OK' Corral



November 11, 2010

Hi everyone,

Everyone seems to be getting lessons in dealing with people who seem to not only disregard their needs but who do the exact opposite. What do you do with someone who appears to deliberately oppose your wishes, stand in your way and block your efforts? Their behavior is not OK and they force you into a corner. Do you come out fighting or walk away? And how do you decide what is not OK and what to do after that?

Any time we are faced with a situation where someone is not giving us what we want the answer to all of our questions lies within us. That person has so much wonderful, enlightening information for us that we can understand once we move away from the 'this is not OK' position. Sure, their behavior may be wrong but why did we choose that experience with them and what do we have to learn from it?

I have found, in many years of giving spiritual counseling, that our lessons in power are always presented in ways that make us feel powerless. What we do in that moment determines whether our next step is reconnecting to our power or holding our ground and demanding that the other person do what we want them to do. While we would like to have a more moderate outcome, where we get out needs met and the other person sees the value in that, it isn't always possible. And the longer we stay in that situation the more challenging it is for us. Our showdown then becomes a standoff, then we are standing still, further entrenched in our demands and blind to any other outcome.

While we may think that the other person is just being stubborn, they are giving us valuable information and the first question we can ask is why we are making that particular demand of them. And there is part of our answer because we generally choose the person who will not or cannot give us what we want (remember the lessons in power).  Here's an example:

A client had been abandoned by her mother at an early age and raised by her kind and loving father. But all of her life she wanted to reconnect with her mother and give her an opportunity to be the mother she wanted her to be (and thought she could be). She thought that if she opened her heart, her mother would apologize for a leaving her and give her the love she wanted. So she pursued her mother, who continued to disappoint her. No matter what she did, she never got what she wanted from her. And the mother took advantage of her daughter's kindness and generosity and used them to manipulate her. When the mother was dying she turned to her daughter for comfort and support, which she willingly gave, thinking that this would be their time to reconnect. But that didn't happen and the mother died.

The daughter still grieves her mother and her inability to reconnect with her. She doesn't see anything wrong with how she was taken advantage of by her mother and moreover, regrets that she couldn't do more for her. But the really destructive part of this is that even though she was raised by a loving father, has a loving family and a happy home life, she spends time every day feeling that she did not have enough time with her mother because if she did, she could have changed her and gotten the love she wanted.

When we got to the core of this issue, which was for her to learn to value herself, she had to acknowledge that she was asking something of her mother that she would never receive from her, even though her behavior was not OK. Her mother did not have the ability to give her what she wanted and was never going to do that . The lesson in power was to acknowledge that her mother chose her actions in spite of her daughter, not because of her, and that nothing she did was ever going to change that. What was her lesson in this?

By grieving this situation she was ignoring the wonderful things that she had in her life, which included everything she had always wanted, a loving husband, beautiful children, a nice home, many friends and the support of her community. Were they less valuable to her because they didn't come from her mother? Was she so firmly in her standoff position that just because her mother did not give her what she wanted, she could not see the value in the blessings she had in her life? And when I asked her 'does it really matter where it comes from' she realized that she had discounted all of the good in her life because she had not gotten what she wanted from her mother.  

When someone's behavior is not OK, and it often is not, we do one of two things:

         Have a showdown where we demand they meet our needs and give them many opportunities to do that or

         We have a standoff and become a victim, making ourselves miserable so they can see how much we need their love or sabotaging ourselves because they won't meet our needs.

 Then we have several options:

          To accept them as they are and decide whether we want them in our life or disconnect

         To become a victim in this story and martyr ourselves so they will give us what we want

         To refuse to accept their behavior and sabotage ourselves because we feel so powerless

         To understand the lesson in power and learn from it so we can be free of it.

Without understanding the lesson, our showdown becomes a standoff and then we are standing still. Eventually we will learn that we cannot force anyone into giving us what we want because if they are not already giving it to us, they do not have it to give in this moment. Everyone gives from what they have and they usually give all they have. There is no hidden reservoir that they can draw from, what they are giving you is the limit to what they have for you. And sometimes (often) this is a karmic cycle that you have with them and within the specific energetic vibrations of your relationship, they may treat you differently than others. They may not be nice to you but be sugary sweet to everyone else. You can feel victimized or mistreated or you can ask what you need to learn from them so you can engage in more fulfilling, self affirming relationships. 

Whose behavior is not OK with you and are you going to choose between a showdown, standoff or learn acceptance so you can walk away? These are your choices in these difficult situations and they are such a powerful learning tool for you. As you look at that person, remember they are giving you all they have to give to you and then choose what you will do to give yourself the gifts of love, fulfillment, joy, peace and abundance.

In these interesting and transformational times, we can be overwhelmed by what is happening in our lives but there are always other solutions. Here are a few things to help you get through the difficult moments in your life:

Stay calm, focused, detached and aware and remember your thoughts are creating every moment of your life. Think the best ones. 
As you ponder this and the other things that are happening at this time remember to:
Accept all gifts of understanding with gratitude and use them to apply forgiveness, release and healing to every situation.  

Ask for guidance and confirmation and then wait for it to come to you.

Above all, be grateful for this opportunity to be part of humanity's amazing shift in consciousness as we all ascend into the miracle vibration.
Many blessings in these miraculous and amazing times,

Jennifer Hoffman

Last modified: 06/01/2011 12:54:20